Why are you surprised?

A little over a month ago I learned of the death of someone I once considered one of my best friends.  We dated in high school, but even after we broke up we remained friends.  I used to talk to him often.  Then, like so many friendships, we drifted apart and spoke less and less.  I hadn't spoken to him in probably 5 years when I learned that he took his life.  We had talked about depression and I knew he, too, suffered from it.  It was actually Matt that made me realize so long ago that the way I was feeling was not normal.  He told me I was sad all the time, and he gave me his copy of "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day."  I think I had a normal reaction in wishing that I had kept in touch with him.  Not because I think I could have saved him, but maybe to have a little more to hold to.  Rest in peace, Matty.  I love you and I'll see you again someday.

Today, the U.S. was rocked by the news of Robin Williams' passing.  So many people on Facebook expressed shock.  I don't think people that knew or heard he dealt with depression were necessarily surprised, but I think, mostly, they were surprised that he is dead. He had everything, right?  He was loved by so many, he was married, he was wealthy, he was hilarious. See, when we hear someone suffers from depression, we don't think death.  When we hear cancer, that's where our minds go.  If you heard someone had cancer but weren't going to do anything about it, you'd think, "Well, you're going to die!"  But if you heard someone was dealing with depression and wasn't getting help, you wouldn't think the same.

This is where the stigma of depression comes in.  No one thinks it's that serious.  No one thinks there's a time limit.  Now, I realize that comparing depression to cancer is comparing apples to oranges.  Believe me, no one knows that better than me right now.  But I think about the things I have heard in my 23 years with this disease and it makes me angry.  To some, I was trying to get attention. (In fact, there are those who think I still am)  To others, I was no longer fun to be around...so they stopped being around me.  To yet others, I was/am crazy.  In all of these reactions, I am someone to be avoided.  I'm annoying, I'm selfish, I'm boring, I'm nuts..I'm...I'm...

So give those answers to someone who is not just sad, but deeply sad.  Someone who is terrified, someone who feels alone.  Someone whose brain is telling them they are worthless, and all the people around them are proving them right. Someone whose mind is consumed with dark thoughts, self-inflicting thoughts and those thoughts provoke them just as much as their audience does.  Now - why are you surprised? 

You're surprised because you didn't know it was that bad.  You're surprised because they were always smiling.  You're surprised because you thought they had others to help them.  You're surprised because you didn't think they were serious.  You're surprised because they didn't tell anyone.  You're surprised...You're surprised...You're surprised.

It's time for people to stop being surprised.  It's time to stop being passive.  It's time to stop ignoring your gut instinct.  Time to stop assuming there are others.  And for God's sake - stop playing the "they're trying to get attention, they're just being dramatic, I had no idea..." card!  This is a real thing!!  This happens!!  And the fact that it keeps happening means that there are still people out there that don't understand that.  Are we going to be able to save everyone?  No, of course not.  But it shouldn't be because we didn't do everything we could.