It is amazing to me how much control food can have over a person. There is a direct correlation between how I'm feeling emotionally and what goes into my mouth. Last week was a pretty good week mood-wise. I started on a new eating plan and was very motivated and doing well. It just so happens that the weather was quite nice last week and even got into the upper '40s. Then the weekend came, and socializing turned into over-eating. Saturday night it was dinner and the theater with friends, Sunday was lunch for Mom's birthday and Sunday night was our weekly dinner after choir rehearsal. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that my choices are anyone's fault but my own. I'm just saying I realize my own weaknesses. Now it's the next week, but the motivation is gone. And the winter weather is back. UGH! I was so proud of myself last week, as was my husband. I was picturing myself fitting into smaller clothes and having more energy. It's not that I don't want that, but that the less motivation I have, the more disappointed I am in myself and the more the cycle continues. I haven't found that one thing that always motivates me yet. Motivation breeds motivation, but you have to have the initial motivation first.
On another slightly-related note, this winter is KILLING me. EVERY year, I say I can't take another Wisconsin winter. Last year we made the brave decision to move to Arizona and I was SO excited to not have to deal with another winter. But things didn't work out financially, so here we are. While I am glad to be close to family, and everyone has said they're glad we stayed, I long for that warm weather and sunshine. But now I feel stuck. I feel like we proved that we can never leave because a) if one of us gets a job the other might not get one in time, b) We had to borrow money to be able to move in the first place and we can't do that again, and c) I have a great job that is getting us where we need to be. So what's the answer? This may be a stupid question, but how do other people afford to move across the country? I also feel like I'd be letting so many people down at this school if I left. This position has been vacated so many times; I don't want to add to that. But something has to change. Many have told me to get one of those lights, but I don't know that that would solve the problem. I can sit in front of the light, but as soon as I move, the cold and snow will still be there. I get very sick of the feeling of not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. I'm sure my son is sick of me feeling that way as well. But right now I'm just stuck.
For what it's worth, my mom has a SAD light and she says it helps a little (at least while she's at home). I think some people move across country via company funding (their new employers pay for their move). Other people don't move much stuff, so just do it themselves. I get the "not wanting to leave them in a lurch" thing, but you and your family come before anyone else's. If you (and family) are not happy and healthy, you can't do as well for those around you either. Just saying. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Em!
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